Prunes, prunes, prunes…………

[Originally posted on Thursday, March 15, 2012]

After seeing Dr B on Tues to remove my staples we had a long talk about what to expect in the waste disposal department as my body readjusts to it’s ‘new normal’ All I have to do is to sort of internally stretch out my lower colon with…..yes you’ve guessed it, prunes. Actually, not just prunes but anything that is a high source of soluble fiber to add bulk. This new regime also includes a large glass of prune juice before bed. Good grief! I thought prune juice was only for old people. Also, I now have to do kegel exercises for my bum. I can manage about 4 before I crack up laughing, I don’t know why it’s just funny….you try it.

I start back to work tomorrow and I think I am ready. I just have to remember not to lift anything heavier than a quart of milk and keep my fingers crossed that the kegels’ and prunes are working their magic.

The new normal………

[Originally posted on Thursday, March 8, 2012]

Yesterday it was so nice and sunny and I got up feeling great, I mean just like normal really so I talked Peter into taking me all the way to Paulsbo to central market (favorite grocery store) to do a bit of a shop, even stopped along the way for a coffee at our favorite spot. Somewhere between the cracker isle and the frozen foods the dreaded stomach cramps hit……..now I’m not just talking a little twinge here I’m talking “OMG! honey, I’m going to poop my pants in about 5 seconds” fortunately the restrooms are fairly close by and I make it in time only to be somewhat disappointed by the meager output. I wait around hoping something else is coming down the pipeline to ease the cramps………nothing. I rejoin Peter and tell him to put the groceries in the car I need to go back in for another attempt.( do you know anybody who can make a bowel movement more dramatic?) Ten minutes later and nothing amounting to more than a couple of tootsie rolls, I give in and traipse out to to car. On the road now and guess what…..I think I just pooped my pants. Now in the big scheme of disasters this didn’t rank too highly but what if this is the ‘new normal’ for me. I’m praying it’s not but I may just have to reinstate the PINEAPPLE code word when I get back to work. Lets hope not but I had better be prepared because life “down the back of beyond” ain’t what it used to be.

Super dooper pooper trooper……once again

[Originally posted on Sunday, March 4th 2012]

Well, here I am reporting from my After Surgery Sanctuary (how appropriate the initials spell ASS) I came home yesterday, a day early because I am a very good girl and do everything the doctors tell me to, and smartish. I believe I took my first walk about 3 hours after surgery. According to Traci (trusty friend) I had just given my name as Zaza Gabor and belted out a quick rendition of “Green Acres” don’t ask me why I have no idea, anaesthetic makes me loopy and anyway it was Eva Gabor not Zaza….silly girl. So, operation went well but I do hate being in the hospital. Time sort of melds together and stretches out. You fall asleep and think hours have passes only to discover it’s been  5 minutes. I think the night time is the worst I had some moaning mini in the room next to mine and really I wanted to throw a pillow at her. The iv machine constantly ticks and beeps it’s all enough to drive me a little bit mad. I won’t sugar coat it, it was rough. On Friday I had just appalling cramps as my insides were grinding back to working order and I was throwing up (I never throw up) yuk! but, by nighttime things had calmed down again and really I didn’t feel too bad just super sore.They really didn’t want to let me go home before seeing a little action from the back end but I finally convinced them that I could take care of what came at home, I mean , come on we all know how to poop! So here I am tucked up in my little bed that is conveniently close to the bathroom which is good because just as I was about to drop off last night Mount Vesuvius erupted, ok it wasn’t that bad but I might as well have taken a pillow and blanket in with me if you know what I mean. Suffice to say, all seems to be in working order and I can now just concentrate on getting over this bit and getting back to work if I can just remember to follow the rules…….

Don’t eat any fiber for 2 more weeks

Don’t drive a car for 2 weeks

Don’t lift anything over 5 lbs (how mush does the kettle weigh I wonder)

Don’t garden (they may just as well say ever again grrrr)

Basically don’t do anything unless it falls into the sedate and ladylike category…..Ha! fat chance…..oh alright I’ll try…I’ll try