[Originally posted on Sunday, March 4th 2012]
Well, here I am reporting from my After Surgery Sanctuary (how appropriate the initials spell ASS) I came home yesterday, a day early because I am a very good girl and do everything the doctors tell me to, and smartish. I believe I took my first walk about 3 hours after surgery. According to Traci (trusty friend) I had just given my name as Zaza Gabor and belted out a quick rendition of “Green Acres” don’t ask me why I have no idea, anaesthetic makes me loopy and anyway it was Eva Gabor not Zaza….silly girl. So, operation went well but I do hate being in the hospital. Time sort of melds together and stretches out. You fall asleep and think hours have passes only to discover it’s been 5 minutes. I think the night time is the worst I had some moaning mini in the room next to mine and really I wanted to throw a pillow at her. The iv machine constantly ticks and beeps it’s all enough to drive me a little bit mad. I won’t sugar coat it, it was rough. On Friday I had just appalling cramps as my insides were grinding back to working order and I was throwing up (I never throw up) yuk! but, by nighttime things had calmed down again and really I didn’t feel too bad just super sore.They really didn’t want to let me go home before seeing a little action from the back end but I finally convinced them that I could take care of what came at home, I mean , come on we all know how to poop! So here I am tucked up in my little bed that is conveniently close to the bathroom which is good because just as I was about to drop off last night Mount Vesuvius erupted, ok it wasn’t that bad but I might as well have taken a pillow and blanket in with me if you know what I mean. Suffice to say, all seems to be in working order and I can now just concentrate on getting over this bit and getting back to work if I can just remember to follow the rules…….
Don’t eat any fiber for 2 more weeks
Don’t drive a car for 2 weeks
Don’t lift anything over 5 lbs (how mush does the kettle weigh I wonder)
Don’t garden (they may just as well say ever again grrrr)
Basically don’t do anything unless it falls into the sedate and ladylike category…..Ha! fat chance…..oh alright I’ll try…I’ll try